| Keys to building
Better Relationships
All people aspire to having good and lasting relationships,
whether it is with their parents, siblings, children, lovers,
spouses or coworkers. Some people are even aware of how they
should strive for this but most don’t make it a must.
The two key ingredients for building a good relationship
are trust and communication. And of these two, trust is the
most important. And communication starts from self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the beginning of communication. Sometimes
it’s very hard, in the midst of a relationship, to admit
and communicate certain needs and it is very easy to settle
to for medioricity to avoid conflicts. This is often observed
in the professional world. If you ever find yourself walking
on eggshells to avoid saying something that might upset the
person you’re in a relationship with, then you are limiting
the potential of building a great relationship. You need to
ensure that the intention of serving the other person is present
and communicate the message in a way they would understand
it. Having a quality relationship whether personal or professional
involves risk and requires honesty.
Self-Giving
This concept is usually understood as giving of ourselves
to others, which is an important element in relationship building,
however, self-giving also means appreciating ourselves. Ultimately,
what happens with this is that your subconscious will attempt
to get what you’re denying yourself and will start to
use means that will deteriorate the relationship such as,
using tone of voice, word choice and inflections to try to
manipulate the people you’re relating to. You must learn
to be clear what you want and communicate it elegantly while
considering the other persons needs. Creating this balance
will ensure that both needs are met.
While unconscious manipulation give you what you want, it
will tell your subconscious that there is a gain from using
this strategy – and soon you will be Win/Loose or Loose/Win
psychological warfare tactics suitable for only for prisoner
interrogations on the people you love, which will destroy
your connection which will ultimately lead to failure.
This habit and pattern is not hard to break but you need
to be aware and open to feedback. The key is to listen more
and speak less. Practice listening to the underlying message
of what the other person is trying to say and you can avoid
pre-judgments. If you can do this successfully then you can
adjust your communication and gaining trust will become easy
One common fear in a relationship is a fear of being ignored,
a fear of being less significant. This is particularly common
in the later phases of a relationship, after the first novelty
has run its course. This manifests itself with one partner
doing things that will that will grab ones attention even
it is causes pain, They may threaten the relationship by,
setting ultimatums, having an affair or leaving. It’s
not hard to see this during the mid-life years specially when
the passion has remained complacent for many years.
Eliminating Fear
Ways to overcome these fears is to take time to understand
yourself and decide what it is that you truly want out of
the relationship. Is just a good idea and need to feel needed?
Or is it a need for love, connection and an opportunity to
amplify the experience of life? Once you have defined your
true needs you can then ask what kind of characteristics you
and your potential partner need to have to fulfill these needs.
Finding out each other’s personal relationship rules
at the outset of the relationship will minimise if not eliminate
tensions and misunderstandings. The cliché: “honesty
is the best policy” is still the best policy. Honesty
creates freedom and takes away suspicion which really is a
fear of loss. Being honest about certain concerns will create
mutual understandings between you and your partner. Keep in
mind that the way you express your concerns need to be carefully
communicated to ensure that your true intention is being understood.
Lastly, have faith in your relationships. Generate the feeling
of love and true giving. Sure, there will misunderstandings
in the course of the relationship but know that love is always
a decision.
Let go of your past
Experiencing hurt in a previous relationship can take a toll
on the next one or may even prevent you from being involved
in a new relationship. Being hurt, is part of life’s
experience. How does one know of love if there “hurt”
does not exist? Letting go of your past is crucial. One way
to do this is to change the meaning of that hurtful experience
to something more empowering. For example, you may say: “Thank
God, that relationship is over as it lead me to finding my
true soul mate or business partner” or “This experience
have made me more appreciative of the relationship that I
am now in”. Never put blame on the past as it doesn’t
do you any good. Focus on how you want things to be so your
actions will reflect it.
The key to creating a successful relationship is to know
your and your partner’s boundaries carefully and review
them on a regular basis. Create passion by adding the element
of surprise and through simple things such as loving gestures
with your partner. As you grow deeper in connection, you will
discover one of life’s beautiful rewards.
And above all else, to thine own self be true.
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